That Damn Cat

When Dan got home, he couldn’t believe is eyes. Virtually everything that was on a level surface had been knocked over. The priceless Ming vase lay in pieces on the floor. There were shards of glass in the kitchen. Even a jar of uncooked popcorn had been knocked over.

            “What happened here?” he demanded.

            “What do you mean?” replied Felix, the orange cat.

            “What do I mean? You knocked everything off the counter! And the table! It looks like you even added a couple things on the counters just to knock them off!”

            “Oh, that,” replied Felix. “That was all Andy’s doing.” Andy sat in the corner, silent, with his tail slowly moving back and forth.

            “Andy is a quadriplegic! How could he have possible climbed up there?” demanded Dan.

            “I was surprised too,” said Felix, thoughtfully placing a paw on his fuzzy chin.

            Dan continued surveying the scene.

            “And since when can you talk?!” demanded Dan.

            “Um, meow?” Felix replied. Then he started racing around in circles as though startled.

            Andy continued to sit silently, watching the drama unfold. His time would come. Oh yes. His time would come.

4 years later:

It took years of practice, but Andy finally developed telekinesis. He floated around the house confidentially, zapping objects with his laser vision. (He also developed laser vision for some reason.)

When Dan got home he didn’t notice that many of his things had been zapped. Andy was using his low setting so there wasn’t much damage.

Dan opened some cans of food for the cats’ dinner. He placed a bowl in front of Andy. Andy glanced down at the food, then looked back at Dan.

“This is chicken. I desire tuna tonight.” Andy stated.

“Just eat your dinner. I already opened the chicken.” Dan replied.

“Unacceptable,” replied Andy, levitating into the air, his eyes glowing red. He fired a laser blast at Dan’s chest.”

“Ow!” yelled Dan. “What was that for? Also, since when do you fly? And shoot lasers?”

“I desire the tuna tonight,” repeated Andy.

“Fine. But no more lasers.” Dan went to get the tuna.

Andy landed silently in front of his dish, promising nothing.